Friday, 20 March 2015

Celeb 101: How to be a Nigerian "Celebrity"

I was making my usual rounds of social media a few weeks ago, when I stumbled upon this popular comedian on Instagram. Now, this guy on this blessed day has just gotten a show or something and in the process of thanking God and all "his fans", he made mention of a teacher who thought he would never do well in secondary school. The essence of the mention was that the teacher should come see him now, because her predictions obviously did not come to pass.

Source: Google



Now before I continue, let me just make a disclaimer that I have nothing against our Nigerian celebrities. However, what marvels me is the fact that they all seem to have this teacher who thought they would never do well in life. It makes me wonder if they all went to the same school and had this particular teacher, and if this is the case, why that teacher haven't since been cautioned. Because as for me, I've had nothing short of support from all my teachers.
Anyway, so I thought to myself, why not make a list so that upcoming celebs can learn from? Therefore, if you are reading this blog right now, and you aspire to achieve "Nigerian celebrity status", these tips are for you. You're welcome, you can thank me later.

1. You must have a teacher that said you will never make it in life
See, this thing works every-time. Your celebrity story is never complete without it.It garners you sympathy and attention from your fans and helps you sell your album.

source: Google

If you never had such teacher, begin to imagine one right now in your head that you would use when the time comes. Their names are usually Mrs Okafor or Aunt Joy. Pick one now. You don't wanna be left out. Take for instance, you and two other artistes have been given an award and its time for acceptance speech...

Artiste 1: Thank you everyone for voting for me. blah blah blah.. And last thing, I also want to give a shout out to my primary school teacher Aunt Joy, who told me I would never become anything in life. This award is for you. (Fans cheers loudly amid oohs and ahhs)

Artiste 2: Before I proceed, I would like to tell someone tonight that God has the final say. I had a secondary school teacher, Mrs Okafor who said I will never be anything in life... (Cheers and claps from fans)

You: I want to thank everyone for voting for me. Thanks and God bless.

Inserts Confused face, Is that all?
You get the gist now?

2. You must have haters. I repeat. You must have haters!!!
Seriously were you thinking I was going to omit this important part?
So you want to be a Nigerian celebrity without having these imaginary haters?

source:Google

What are you going to put in the lyrics of your songs? What is going to be the caption of that your Instagram post? What is going to be in your acceptance speeches?
See, if you don't have haters, you are "dulling". Even people who are not celebrities have haters, how much more you?
If you don't have haters naturally, begin to imagine them now and call them forth. When you want to make your next Instagram post, give them a shout out, begin to put them in the lyrics of your songs.
It wouldn't be long before they will finally make a real-life appearance. And then, you have achieved the ultimate celebrity status.


Do you have more tips, please put them in the comments box below.
I might continue this series, who knows?

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Hello lovelies, how has your week been? Mine has been bleh. We thank God still.
Spring just started and guess who is excited?
Have a productive and lovely week. Don't forget to comment and invite your friends to read my blog also.
Xoxo. Betty

6 comments:

  1. Betty you are too funny haters everywhere lol

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    Replies
    1. Lols. My dear, they are everywhere ohh.

      Delete
  2. What if u have haters and ur not close to being a celeb :( Well, just on the off chance that I somehow manage it, I do have a "You won't make it with ur attitude" teacher or, to be more specific, teacherssssss. Ah, I remember it so clearly. I was kneeling on the floor, in a pool of blood(not really), sweat dripping from my brow(it was actually quite cold that day). My Physics teacher towered over me. He smirked and said "Just look at you. Pride...comes before a fall"....Well, if he was right, I've been in a state of free fall for some years now lol. I'm sure i'll give him a shout out if i get popular.

    P.S.: Lasisi never gave u support

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow, sorry you have to go through that.
      ps: Lasisi? Anonymous dearest, do I by chance know you personally?

      Delete
  3. abi, until they have sang 'thunder fire their mama and their papa' or ' if them no like me or like me, i no go run down eh' the song is never complete and about the teacher stuff, its never old, always comes in handy.

    ReplyDelete

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